Posts Tagged ‘work jokes’
A New Year Wish
Happy New Year everyone. Here is a personal message to all my friends who insit of forwarding their emails to me…
Old Farmer’s Advice
Nuggets of wisdom – Old Farmer’s Advice:
Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered…not yelled.
Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight.
Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a cruel word.
Every path has a few puddles.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
The best sermons are lived, not preached.
Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway.
Don ‘t judge folks by their relatives.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good, honorable life.. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.
Don ‘t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t bothering you none.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.
If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around..
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.
Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
Don’t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight,
he’ll just kill you.
Brand New Joke
Phil had just joined a club after his friend had recommended it (being a member for quite some time). They were sitting at the bar having their beers when someone yelled “21″ and there was a small uproar of laughter. A few minutes later someone else yelled “34″ and another roar of laughter rose up.
Phil, confused about this asked his friend “Why is everyone laughing at the numbers being called out” His friend said, well we’ve been telling the same jokes for so many years that we just numbered them all and if you want to tell a joke you just call out a number” Phil nodded and said “Can I try?” His friend nodded and Phil called out “121″ and everyone in the club roared with laughter and it didn’t die down for at least another 15 minutes after.
“Why did everyone laugh so hard at that joke?” Phil asked. His friend said with a small chuckle “We haven’t heard that one before.”
Layoffs are Hard
There was a manager who was told by his boss that he had to get rid of at
least one employee. So he narrowed the decision to one of two new employees,
Jack or Mary. He then decided to speak to each one privately, and let their
reactions help guide his decision.
So he called in Jack, explained the situation and, of course, Jack said he
didn’t want to lose his job, but he understood the boss’s situation.
Then he called in Mary, and said, ‘Mary, I’ve got a problem; By the end of
the day, I’ve got to lay you or Jack off…’
And Mary says, ‘Then you’re gonna have to jack off. I’ve got a headache!’