A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules.

“I’ll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want,” he insisted. “And, I don’t expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules,” he said. “Any comments?”

His new bride replied, “No, that’s fine with me. But, just understand that there’ll be sex here at seven o’clock every night … whether you’re here or not.”

There were several women sitting around talking at their weekly club meeting.The topic of birth control came up and they started comparing methods.

The first woman said that she and her husband relied on the pill. It had been effective for them since they had started using it after their 4th child was born.

The second woman said that she used the rhythm method. But she hated having to watch the calendar.

The third woman said that she used condoms, but wished that her husband would remember to buy them himself.

The fourth woman said that she and her husband had found the perfect prevention method.  They used the “saucer and pail” method. All ears were opened at that comment. She went on to explain…. Her husband is shorter than she, so he stands on a pail whenever they make love, and when his eyes get as big as saucers, she kicks the pail out from underneath him.

An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination
the same day so they could travel together. After the examination, the
doctor then said to the elderly man: You appear to be in good health. Do you
have any medical concerns that you would like discuss with me?

In fact, I do, said the man. After I have sex with my wife for the
first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I have sex with my
wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly.

This is very interesting, replied the doctor. Let me do some research
and get back to you.

After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said: Everything appears
to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to
discuss with me?

The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.

The doctor then asked: Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims
that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you
and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?

Oh that old buzzard! She replied.

That’s because the first time is usually in December and the second
time is usually in June!