Posts Tagged ‘drunk joke’
Back and Forth Marriage
Marriage (Part I )
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding,
he laid down the following rules:
‘I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want — and I don’t
expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table
unless I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner. I’ll go hunting,
fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and
don’t you give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?’
His new bride said:
‘No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex
here at seven o’clock every night…whether you’re here or not.’
(DARN SHE’S GOOD!)
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Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
anniversary!
The husband yells, ‘When you die, I’m getting you a headstone
that reads, ‘Here Lies My Wife — Cold As Ever’!’
‘Yeah?’ she replies. ‘When you die, I’m getting you a headstone
that reads, ‘Here Lies My Husband — Stiff At Last’!’
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
*********************************** ******
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, ‘And you are no
good in bed either,’ and storms out of the house.
After some time he realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says,
‘What took you so long to answer to the phone?’
She says, ‘I was in bed.’
‘In bed this early, doing what?’
‘Getting a second opinion!’
(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
*****************************************
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his
wife,’ Mother of Six’ in spite of her objections..
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it is time to go home
and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at
the top of his voice, ‘Shall we go home Mother of Six?’
His wife, irritated by her husband’s lack of discretion,
shouts right back, ‘Any time you’re ready, Father of Four.’
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
*****************************************
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife
to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece
of paper,’Please wake me at 5:00 AM.’ He left it where he knew she would
find it.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn’t wakened him when he
noticed a piece of paper by the bed.. The paper said, ‘It is 5:00 AM. Wake
up.’
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
*****************************************
God may have created man before woman, but there
is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
************** ***************************
Send this to smart women who need a laugh
and to men you think can handle it.
Brand New Joke
Phil had just joined a club after his friend had recommended it (being a member for quite some time). They were sitting at the bar having their beers when someone yelled “21″ and there was a small uproar of laughter. A few minutes later someone else yelled “34″ and another roar of laughter rose up.
Phil, confused about this asked his friend “Why is everyone laughing at the numbers being called out” His friend said, well we’ve been telling the same jokes for so many years that we just numbered them all and if you want to tell a joke you just call out a number” Phil nodded and said “Can I try?” His friend nodded and Phil called out “121″ and everyone in the club roared with laughter and it didn’t die down for at least another 15 minutes after.
“Why did everyone laugh so hard at that joke?” Phil asked. His friend said with a small chuckle “We haven’t heard that one before.”
T-Boy Speeding Ticket
This is just about true and could happen down here. We drink a little sometimes yeah!
On any given day I pass people coming back from the store on their riding lawn mower with a 12 pack sitting on the hood. LOL