Archive for the ‘Spicy Jokes’ Category
The Saucer and the Pail
There were several women sitting around talking at their weekly club meeting.The topic of birth control came up and they started comparing methods.
The first woman said that she and her husband relied on the pill. It had been effective for them since they had started using it after their 4th child was born.
The second woman said that she used the rhythm method. But she hated having to watch the calendar.
The third woman said that she used condoms, but wished that her husband would remember to buy them himself.
The fourth woman said that she and her husband had found the perfect prevention method. They used the “saucer and pail” method. All ears were opened at that comment. She went on to explain…. Her husband is shorter than she, so he stands on a pail whenever they make love, and when his eyes get as big as saucers, she kicks the pail out from underneath him.
Layoffs are Hard
There was a manager who was told by his boss that he had to get rid of at
least one employee. So he narrowed the decision to one of two new employees,
Jack or Mary. He then decided to speak to each one privately, and let their
reactions help guide his decision.
So he called in Jack, explained the situation and, of course, Jack said he
didn’t want to lose his job, but he understood the boss’s situation.
Then he called in Mary, and said, ‘Mary, I’ve got a problem; By the end of
the day, I’ve got to lay you or Jack off…’
And Mary says, ‘Then you’re gonna have to jack off. I’ve got a headache!’
If I had a Hammer
The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, “You’re charged with
beating your wife to death with a hammer.”
A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, “You bastard!”
The judge says, “You’re also charged with beating your mother-in-law
to death with a hammer.”
The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, “You bastard!”
The judge stops and says to the guy in the back of the courtroom,
“Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime. But no more
outbursts from you, or I’ll charge you with contempt. Is that
understood?”
The guy in the back of the court stands up and says, “I’m sorry, Your
Honor, but for fifteen years, I’ve lived next door to that bastard,
and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn’t have one.”
Daily Special
A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in
Mexico.
While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking
platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell
was wonderful.
He asked the waiter, ‘What is that you just served?’
The waiter replied, ‘Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called
Cojones de Toro, bull’s testicles from the bull fight this morning. A
delicacy!’
The cowboy said, ‘What the heck, bring me some.’
The waiter replied, ‘I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day
because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and
place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.’
The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening
was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites,
inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, ‘These are
delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve
yesterday.’
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, ‘Si Senor, Sometimes the bull
wins.’
What Kind of Bug was THAT?
A couple was driving down highway 14 arguing wildly about the man sleeping with another woman.
The wife got so mad she whipped out a knife, chopped the mans pecker off and threw it out the window.
The penis flies through the air, splattering onto the windshield of the car that is following and rolls off.
Little Lena riding with her dad says “What was that Daddy?” The father says “That was just a bug”.
The daughter looks at him and replies “That bug sure had a big pecker”.